i'm not walking away until you smile

these are the ones i miss.

pat

in 2000, he moved to maryland. we said goodbye while my best friend was in the bar playing her black takamine and singing "in your eyes." we hugged and cried.
i haven't seen him since.

memories
bruce lee
teletubbies
broken foot
mchales
blue sweater
aquarium
alien sunday
green lighter
in your eyes
there and back
tears

now
wow i miss you. i hope you're doing well.

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birthday

my birthday was amazing.

there was thunder and lightning on the day of the party.

my favorite tree fell.

i received more gifts than a 28-year old needs or deserves.

i had cake, cake, cake, cake, cobbler, and ice cream cake.

i blew bubbles.

i played Uno.

i lit sparklers.

i saw fireworks.

i was surounded by 30 of my favorite people.

i am more blessed than i have ever been willing to admit.

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what i want to say on my birthday

sue got pregnant when she was 17. when her mother found out, sue heard, “you’re having this one.”

sue did not want a baby.

she drank, tripped on acid, smoked cigarettes, and smoked marijuana.
she dove from the high dive at 9 months pregnant.

despite her efforts, she had a baby cassetta on august 3, 1977.

the plan was to get rid of that baby, to give her up for adoption through catholic charities.

sue’s sister, patty, was in texas when baby was born. she came back when baby was 3 days old and adopted her. patty's husband, billy, adopted baby as well.

eventually, patty and billy got a divorce. patty told billy she’d never ask for a dime of his money if he stayed away from baby (now rider) forever. he signed papers and walked away, trading baby rider for a price.

patty met bob and he proposed after a lengthy courtship over letters and phone. she brought him to the house one night and said, “there’s someone I want you to meet.”

bob came in and looked at baby rider, now about 5 years old.

“hi, amy. i’m bob. It’s nice to meet you.”

i could have died or been defected in some way.

i have a higher than average IQ. i had a 4.0 gpa in college. i have all fingers, toes, and everything else in perfect working order. i have heard the words, “healthy as a horse” from doctors many times throughout my life.

god saved my life for a purpose, and on my birthday i am so thankful.

i could have been farmed out to any number of foster homes and abusive temporary guardians. i could have lived a life of crime and despair. instead, i grew up quietly in the suburbs and never wanted for anything. i learned love and hard work and honesty.

patty and bob are my parents. they adopted me. and i am so very grateful.

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